Friday, August 6, 2010


I moved my arm around him, as if to give him an embrace. Carlo had been crying ever since he arrived here. There were moments of silence and faint cries in between and I know that he is deeply wounded.

As my hand touches his body, he turned around and looked at me. "I love you Paul, you know that." As I gazed at his teary eyes, my heart started to melt.

Me: "I love you too. Very much."

Him: "Then why? Why did you have to torture me like this? You said that you won't hurt me."

Me: "I wasn't torturing you. And I won't hurt you."

Him: "You are. It is so painful."

Me: "Stop it already. You're drunk already. You should rest." I placed my arms again around him, cuddling him close to my body. He needed this and same goes with me, I needed this.

Him: "Do you still remember the night that I confessed to you. I was with my best friend James back then. He was against the idea of meeting you but what the hell, I still pursued it."

Me: "Uhh.. about that.."

Him: "And then, I held your hand back then and you held mine. You said you love me as well and since then we were together. I chose to be with you even though James is really against you. There's nothing he can do, right?"

Me: "So he just left after that, right. You didn't even noticed."

HIm: "Who the hell cares right? What matters is we both love each other right? You love me right?"

Me: "Of course, I love you. More than you ever know." Tears started to make its trail down my cheeks already. Seeing him this fragile breaks me. I don't want him to be this down and blue.

Him: "Please don't leave me Paul. I know I made mistakes, I lack control at times, I am not perfect but I am always trying my best to fix myself. Please don't leave me. Please tell me that what you said earlier about leaving me was just a lie. I don't know how to live without you."

Me: "Carlo.. stop this already. You're already too drunk. You don't know what you are saying"

Him: "Just tell me you love me.. please.."

I was hesitating if I should tell him those words but his pain is unbearable.
Me: "I love you. It has been so long. You just don't realize it."

Him: "Thanks. That's all I need to hear." Then he enclosed his lips with mine and I kissed him back. In a few minutes, he passed out.

I was intently looking at him. I fooled him. I love him truly and dearly but it ain't right. It ain't right to say those words to him knowing that his cries for love were not meant for me.

It is always sad to be me, to be James. I only wish I am Paul. Then truly, I can love you more than he can.. I am sorry, it had to be me to love you this much..

1 comment:

  1. Giving someone all your love is not an assurance that he will love you back. Don't expect love in return, wait for it to grow in his heart, if it doesn't, be contented it grows in you.